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Cloudberry

by Fellow Finch

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1.
Waves 01:13
2.
Well you can be my saviour Amber at dusk, I can feel my heart Skipping through the rain. Your words may seem little, But words can be enough To get me jumping To the other side of the Earth. So, I roll the dice for Connemara streak Well at least I got something to believe in, And I fantasize but then I realise, That this pain between us will never leave. So how many times did you explain? “Peace of mind is religion, peace of mind is dread!” How many times did you complain? “Peace of mind is religion, peace of mind is dread!” It so hard to be bright to find our little spot, Well, under the sunshine lies a broken heart. And even through our sadness and calling of names, I wanna freeze us in a polaroid of bliss. So how many times did you forget? “Peace of mind is religion, peace of mind is dread!” So how many times did you forget? “Peace of mind is religion, peace of mind is dread!” And oh the Glory, I can see it in her eyes It was just little fantasies and little white lies Say what you wanna say, I feel it rising up From the beauty of Westport to Galway where we died. You say “I’m bad”, I say your good, you say: “Life, it ain’t Hollywood!” You say I’m dumb, I say your good, you say: “Life, it ain’t Hollywood!” So how many times did you forget? “Peace of mind is religion, peace of mind is dread!” How many times did you forget? “Peace of mind is religion, peace of mind is dread!” How many times did you forget? “Peace of mind is religion, peace of mind is dread!” How many times?
3.
GTFU 04:49
I lie to everyone around me, lie cos I surely can Then complain about it later like it’s an offence My poor esoteric soul, crushed against the blue sea Please just say something and save me. It’s my high school diploma and all my friends are dead to me Australia’s burning but all I can think about is “Oh, poor me!” It’s a hard life, I fantasize all about the different ways I could die in my sleep It’s a million different reasons not to get up and leave I complain about all I can complain about, don’t you fucking agree? Please just say something and save me, In an hour or so, my therapist’s bored to tears Well, at least you’ve got something later to hear It’s my high school diploma and all my friends are dead to me Australia’s burning and all I can think about is “Oh, poor me!” It’s a hard life, I fantasize all about the different ways I could die in my sleep It’s a million different reasons not to get up and leave It’s my high school diploma and all my friends are dead to me Australia’s burning and all I think is you and me It’s my own heartbreak and how you left a whole inside of me We were both burning but all I could think was “Oh, poor me!” Its a hard life, I fantasize all about the different ways I could die in my sleep Its a million different reasons not to get up and leave
4.
Red Herring 05:27
It took us 6 hours, From Portree to Glasgow. And I think you slept through it all, What an angel, what an angel. And now we’re driving through, The archaic hills of Ireland And the isles they speak to us “Seven angels, seven angels.” And you went something like: “Maybe this thing should’ve passed, Maybe this thing shouldn’t last for so long, so Leave me stranded on an isle, now that we’re miles, Miles apart …and it sure hurts when it stabs the heart” It took us 3 hours, From Venice to Belfast You were nervous, you wanted it to pass But it went by so fast. I took us all the ale, Hell beyond the veil, And all the nights in the drizzling rainfall That made us realise, that we were both petrified Of one another And I went something like: Maybe this thing should’ve changed, Maybe this thing shouldn’t last for so long, so Leave me stranded on an isle, now that we’re miles, Miles apart …and it sure hurts when it stabs the heart Maybe this thing should’ve changed, Maybe this thing shouldn’t last for so long, so Leave me stranded on an isle, now that we’re miles, Miles apart …and it sure hurts when it stabs the heart
5.
Galway 04:24
Blurry eyed, I can’t see I can’t be the one to put your trust in me And guide us back to our home, There at the Air BnB How can you be like that? All too sad with me On the night when the river danced And the holy chance of you and me How we cursed our tongues, split our mouths to the same degree How you pull my strings How you make me sing and how you make me believe How you pull my strings How you make me sing and how you make me believe that You don’t love You don’t love You don’t love You don’t love “All lies, lullabies won’t help you to your dreams As it goes way back to the roots from your family tree And it breaks my heart and my soul, when you lose control when you pin my head to the stone-cold wall and it breaks my heart to see you drenched in fear But it reminds me of all the times, and the sudden cries, and uncertain demises wishful thinking, and all our fights please just believe in yourself. When the music doesn’t speak to ya And all I ever wanted was from ya, was not to stay the same and not say those words again, cos I do love I do love I do love I do love” Who are you? To say that. Who are you? To proclaim that Who are you? To say that. Who are you? To end it like that.
6.
Empty Houses 04:15
It’s a whole lot of mess, Well, I’ve got mine A little more than you can Handle all the time. And I feel it moving Through the heart and spine Its pins and needles And sentimental lies. You’ve got me good I knew you would You’ve got me good And now we’re burning it down. You’ve got demons Well, I’ve got mine But with your holy water, I just go blind. And right in your head Empty houses and lanes, I’m afraid of you Driving me insane You’ve got me good I knew you would You’ve got me good And now we’re burning it down. And I yearned for the time when we both lied About some half assed future back in sight, And you walked out of the car on the saddest days At the side of the road with the pouring rain And I guess I could say that I wanna follow you But you never asked for good company, No you never asked for good company, You’ve got me good
7.
Boats 03:55
I recall your eyes and the silent screams Thank god it was just a dream We took a boat ride out to the sea Something you said you wanted to see And I felt almost everything A gush of wind knocked something over But I couldn’t tell what was in the water I ran out to the dock and saw you clenchin’, screamin’ and accepting That I wouldn’t be the one who does the liftin’ “How did you know that? Was it something I said? Love anybody Love anybody, but me.” I recall your eyes and the silent scream Thank god it was just a dream We took a boat ride out to the sea Something you said you wanted to see And I felt almost everything “How did you know that? Was it something I said? Love anybody Love anybody, but me.” It all comes back to me Screaming It all comes back to me Fighting “How did you know that? Was it something I said? Love anybody Love anybody, but me.”
8.
IDLY 06:58
You can’t change No one can, It’s all the same Without sense I don’t wanna lose it all again. I helped you sleep When you drowned Helped you weep Without a sound. I just wanna have it all, again. But if you don’t feel the same Well I guess that I’m the one to blame. And if I can’t lend a hand Then I guess that I’m not the one who mends. I won’t accept this, I just can’t. I wanna love you, Without restraint. I wanna have it all again. “I can’t take it You’re too weak. I wanna dream When I sleep I wanna have me, For me. But if you don’t feel the same Well I guess that I’m the one to blame. And if I can’t lend a hand Then I guess that I’m not the one who mends.” And If this earth Breaks us apart And the skies above us Tear right through us “Then I guess, that I must be truer than true When I say this to you I don’t love you I don’t love you I don’t love, anymore.”
9.
The Burns 03:51
Well I guess you’re far deeper Then you’d ever admit And it breaks me once again. And I’m pretty sure that those celebs Just drive you insane I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad. And I guess those songs About shit you wanted to hide Were it personal, were it mine? Its absurd you see yourself worth my damn time A freaking saviour? Are you outta your mind? Hopeless and tragic, fucking satanic I wanna burn you down, Burn you down! Endless panic, so damn savage I wanna turn you around, Turn you around. Do you remember how you let it all turn to waste? You never cared for, and you never will! And I guess your smooth tongue may save you someday But to me, you were never really right Hopeless romantic, always frantic, I wanna burn you down, Burn you down! Sad and manic, endless damage I wanna turn you around, Turn you around! Hopeless and tragic, fucking satanic I wanna burn you down, Burn you down! Endless panic, so damn savage I wanna turn you around, Turn you around. Hopeless romantic, always frantic, I wanna burn you down, Burn you down! Sad and manic, endless damage I wanna turn you around, Turn you around!
10.
Retros 05:56
It’s the fall of family the weaker man, How can it be? The same old story and the same old decree. Months pass now, season change It’s still in me The same mistakes without a break and, man I try to change it, I try so damn hard But I’m dumb And even my therapist’s bored to death And I hate the feeling Of losing dread How can it be? That you’re doing better without me How can you feel the way you don’t wanna feel How can you say something that you don’t want to say? So why don’t you Point break my soul When heaven let's go And all I feel It’s in my blood and in my own veins Point break my heart When heaven breaks apart And all I see It’s not in you, it’s in me The hallow winds from a perfect storm What did they say? When you saw me leaving with tears on my face? And man, I thanked you a lot but clearly not enough To break away from this farce of a man, and I try to change it, I try so damn hard I really wanna be, Far better than this and far better than what you made me out to be made me out to feel a better man, someone that never asks and never never how can you feel the way you dont wanna feel How can you say something you don’t want to say So why don’t you Point break my soul When heaven let's go And all I feel It’s in my blood and in my own veins Point break my heart When heaven breaks apart And all I see It’s not in you, it’s in me how can you feel the way you dont wanna feel How can you say something you don’t want to say So why don’t you Point break my soul When heaven let's go And all I feel It’s in my blood and in my own veins Point break my heart When heaven breaks apart And all I see It’s not in you, it’s in me
11.
And I feel us intoxicated Fucking wasted. And the music, the lights How they shine on us Right through us. And come by 3 AM, When it all gets outta hand. And all will fall right through Your eyes. Wasted lullabies. Can’t you feel them? Do you even feel? This dark cloud inside your mind, It’s just alcohol. And come by morning light when all should be fine It’s nothing at all. And if by the grace of dying Gods, that you don’t feel alive. Then all I wanna say is: I’m glad to know you. Heavy echoes in the streets, How they make you feel So damn weak. Without compassion, without restraint It’s the movies That we wanna see And come by 3 AM, When it all goes out of hand. And all will fall right through Your eyes. Wasted lullabies. Can’t you feel them? Do you even feel? This dark cloud inside your fragile mind, It’s just alcohol. And come by morning light when all should be fine It’s nothing at all. And if by the grace of dying Gods, that you don’t feel alive. Then all I wanna say is: I’m glad to know you. And it’s the same amount of rain And constant pain I’m a heartless bastard without much shame My heart’s torn and scorn and fucking lame Without the feeling of constant pain. And I guess my ex was right I’m depressed and cannot fight But at least I feel, At least I feel! So please believe when I sing These words to you Truer than true, This dark cloud inside you fragile mind, It’s not alcohol. And come by morning light when all should be fine It’s nothing at all. And if by the grace of dying Gods, that you don’t feel alive. Then all I wanna say is: I’m glad to know you.
12.
This is the part when I finally say And tell you about how you caused me pain I’m angry and sad and I don’t feel quite the same Like I did that day when we were both ok “I think you better stop before you start, Telling the same stories from your heart, I’ve heard it all before and it shakes me through the core, You better think before we cause another storm.” Well you don’t respect me you never did, All the words I said were seen as dirt, And I deserve better, I deserve to be heard But my voice cracks as soon as you shake my earth. “Well again you’re grasping at straws, I tried my best to mend it and not let it fall, But I guess if something’s not meant to be Then please believe, when I say just let it be” But you never tried, you never did! Your words made me feel like I’m a dumb piece of shit, And when my father died you didn’t help me feel I was yearning for you, hoping that you would to! “How can you put this blame on me? I try my hardest to make a blind man see I suffer too and I there’s a heartache in me Don’t you remember, I had the saddest tear?” This is the part when I finally say, That I’m sorry for the words I said, I’m a bag of mess with overbearing dread, Just a sad guy, emotionally too complex “We both feel it’s better being apart, We knew it from the bottoms of our hearts, Science with art will always crash real hard, But in the end, it’s better to be distant friends” …and now that the heart is the chest, I wish you all the best.

about

Cloudberry, named after a ringed seal that was rescued on the coast of Ireland, is a story of a relationship drifting towards its unavoidable end. A pre-break-up chapter that is filled with half-drunk emotional outbursts in Galway and quiet blaming boiling on the front seat of the car. A trip gone awry. This is a needed homage to a year that was nothing more than a long journey into self reflection - realising that it does indeed take two to tango, even if you're both swinging towards the edge of Moher...until solid ground is no more.

Cloudberry recovered and was returned to the harsh seas, much like the protagonist returned to a life of normality with care from those close to him. Sparking fair weather along the way with new possibilities and captured butterflies. Idly now, with complete gratitude.

credits

released November 17, 2022

Fellow Finch is
Andi Koglot - voice, guitar, loops and tapes

with the Fellowship of the Finch:
Gašper Povše - violin, banjo, mandoline, backing vocals
Grega Povše - guitar, lapsteel, backing vocals
Margarita Ulokina - violin, backing vocals
Matej Kurinčič - keys, accordion
Luka Dobnikar - upright bass
Leon Stoilković - drums, percussion

additional musicians:
Kaja Skrbinšek - featured guest vocals on Galway
Gaja Kuščer - featured guest vocals on IDLY
Tea Skrbinšek - additional vocals and harmonies
Mojca Trampuš - additional vocals and harmonies
Anej Ivanuša - low whistle, tin whistle and irish flute

Music and words by Andi Koglot
Arrangements crafted with Fellowship of the Finch
Irish flair by Anej Ivanuša
Voice harmonies crafted by Tea Skrbinšek and Mojca Trampuš
Recorded in Bear Tracks Studio with Robi Bulešić
Additional recordings were done DIY in Ljubljana
Editing by Andi Koglot & Margarita Ulokina
Mixing, additional arrangements and rusty coating by Andi Koglot
Mastered by Robi Bulešić

Album cover by Margarita Ulokina

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Fellow Finch Slovenia

Rusty strings and peaty vocals, Fellow Finch is a loud bird rooted in folky tradition and love of somewhat archaic soundscapes.

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